I’m always the one who stares at the last slice of pizza at the dinner table BUT never take it.
Why do I do this?
I’m hungry, tired and mentally spent. I should just take it for myself and not worry about my husband secretly salivating inside or predicting that my 5 year old will cry and pout because he wanted it.
The reality is, I think about these things. It’s in my nature to always give and not worry about myself. Before you call me a martyr…hear me out. My nature is turning me into a bitter bitch.
I look in the mirror everyday feeling exhausted, guilty and at times…depressed.
How can I get myself out of this rut?
It seems so easy for my husband. He can go to the gym, play Wii with our son and even sleep in his shoes. Why do I always have to think about stuff that needs to be done? My brain is a jumbled disaster. I see a pile of laundry, upcoming family trips, bills, grocery list, work schedule, field trips, my 5 year old wearing belly shirts to pre-school and now having to budget for new clothes.
My jumbled brain is making me miss out on life. My son is watching my every move and my biggest fear is one day realizing that I’ve pushed him away.
I’ve been meeting with a therapist and she tells me I need to get better at showing emotion and not to worry about what others think.
In light of that, I’ve made a few personal goals for myself.
- Stop trying to control everything
- Stop living each day like Groundhogs day and be spontaneous.
- Stop holding back REAL feelings
- Next pizza night…take the last damn slice of pizza